It can feel impossible to forgive someone who has deliberately acted with malice or betrayal towards you. Maybe it was the driver who cut you off in traffic, the jealous parent who constantly belittles your child, or even someone who caused harm to you or a loved one. In moments like these, the pull toward revenge or retribution is strong.

We’ve all been victims of another person’s ill intent. Yet how we choose to respond reveals much about our own hearts and often, the truth isn’t flattering. When pride, hurt or anger fuel our desire for retaliation, it becomes a toxic mix that eats away at us like a slow-moving cancer. The longer we cling to it, the more it spreads, poisoning not only our spirit but also those around us.

This is why forgiveness matters. Holding onto a grievance often means you’re still living under the other person’s offense. Forgiveness releases you from carrying the weight of that resentment, so you no longer surrender your peace to someone else’s wrongdoing.

A Lesson in Pure Forgiveness

One of the clearest examples of the necessity and power of forgiveness is found in Jesus’ Parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11–32). Let’s explore what it teaches us.

“Then He (Jesus) said, “There was a man who had two sons.” The younger one said to his father, “Father, let me have the share of the estate that will come to me.” So, the father divided the property between them. A few days later, the younger son got together everything he had and left for a distant country where he squandered his money on a life of debauchery. After he spent it all, the country experienced a severe famine, and he was forced to work on a local farm feeding the pigs.

He soon became hungry enough to consume the same husks he was feeding to the pigs but was prohibited from eating that too. This forced him to his senses. “How many of my father’s men have all the food they want and more, and here I am dying of hunger! I will leave this place and go to my father and say, ‘Father I have sinned against heaven and against you; I no longer deserve to be called your son; treat me as one of your hired men.”

So, he left that place and went back to his father. While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was moved with pity. He ran to the boy, clasped him in his arms and kissed him. Then his son said, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I no longer deserve to be called your son.” But the father said to his servants, “Quick! Bring out the best robe and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the calf we have been fattening and kill it; we will celebrate by having a feast because this son of mine was dead and has come back to life; he was lost and is found.”  They began to celebrate.

When Mercy Over Justice Seems Unfair

The elder son was out in the fields and on his way back. As he drew near the house, he could hear music and dancing. He asked one of the servants what was happening. “Your brother has come home, and your father has killed the calf we have been fattening because he has got him back safe and sound,” the servant told him.

The older brother became angry and refused to take part. His father urged him to join in, but the son said, “All these years I have slaved for you and never once disobeyed any of your orders, yet you never offered me so much as a kid goat for me to celebrate with my friends. But this son of yours, when he comes back after swallowing up your property, and cavorting with loose women, you kill the calf we have been fattening?”

The father said, “My son, you are with me always and all I have is yours. But it was only right we should celebrate and rejoice, because your brother was dead and has come to life; he was lost and is found.”

In this instance, forgiveness didn’t just restore the fallen-away son, it gave the father joy. It released him from carrying the weight of resentment. It didn’t mean that the wrong didn’t matter, it was about the unconditional love the father had for his son and choosing alignment with God’s mercy over being chained to the pain of resentment and disappointment.

What Capi Wonders…

It’s natural to want justice when we feel shortchanged, just like the older brother, who believed he had earned everything and expected to inherit all his father’s estate. And rightfully so in his case.

According to Mosaic Law, the rule of “primogeniture” was an established precedent not only in ancient Judaism but in other contemporaneous cultures as well. In some countries it still exists, it is the right of the firstborn son to inherit everything when the father of the family dies. He becomes the new patriarch of the family, acquiring all the property rights and possessions of the estate as well as the titles his father held.

This parable indicates that the younger son took what was not rightfully his, instead was wrongly given a portion of what belonged to his older brother. The father was treating both of his sons equally, but not justly.

To make matters worse, the younger son lived an immoral life that included activities that violated Jewish laws. Jesus states the son had sunk so low that he was feeding the pigs and for a Jew that was the ultimate disgrace. 

The older brother declares, “All these years I’ve done everything right, stayed loyal, obeyed every rule and you never once celebrated me. Yet this son of yours, who wasted everything, returns and is welcomed with a feast! How is that fair?”

The older son wanted recognition and reward for what he was required to do. He wanted justice but instead his father bestowed mercy on his younger brother.

Justice and Mercy Cannot Dwell Together

The older brother wasn’t wrong to want justice, he had lived faithfully and expected reward. His heart leaned toward justice, not mercy. But until we grasp the difference, mercy will always feel undeserved. Understand that forgiveness is born of mercy, not justice.

The great spiritual writer, Saint Isaac the Syrian, a bishop of the seventh century, wrote of the virtues of mercy and justice. “Mercy and justice in one soul are like a man who worships God and idols in one house. Mercy is opposed to justice. Justice is the equality of the even scale for it gives to each as he deserves, and when it makes recompense, it does not incline to one side or show respect of persons.

Mercy, on the other hand, is a sorrow, a pity stirred up by goodness, and it compassionately inclines a man in the direction of all; it does not require a man who is deserving of evil, and to him who is deserving of good it gives double portion. If therefore, it is evident that mercy belongs to the portion of righteousness, then justice belongs to the portion of wickedness. As grass and fire cannot coexist in one place, so justice and mercy cannot abide in one soul. As a grain of sand cannot counterbalance a great quantity of gold, so in comparison God’s use of justice cannot counterbalance His mercy.”

This teaching tells us that God cannot be both merciful and just at the same time. Justice means giving someone exactly what they deserve, while mercy suspends punishment and replaces it with love, compassion, and forgiveness. It can be said that God’s true nature is best shown through His mercy, treating everyone the same regardless of any circumstances or factors that justice requires for judgment.

The French playwright, Jean Anouilh describes the Last Judgment as an example of injustice. “The good are densely clustered at the gate of heaven, eager to march in, sure of their reserved seats, keyed up and bursting with impatience. All at once, a rumor starts spreading: ‘It seems He’s going to forgive those others, too!’ For a minute, everyone is dumbfounded. They look at one another in disbelief, gasping and sputtering. “After all the trouble I went through! If only I’d known this…I just can’t get over it!’

Exasperated, they work themselves into a fury and start cursing God, and at that very instant, they’re damned. That was the last judgment, you see. They judged themselves. Love appeared and they refused to acknowledge it. ‘We don’t know this man. We don’t approve of a heaven that’s open to every Tom, Dick and Harry. We spurn this God who lets everyone off. We can’t love a God who loves so foolishly.”

Now one might ask themselves, which God do I prefer, one of unconditional love and infinite mercy or one who demands justice. Your answer will say more about you than your concept of God.

Five Steps to Forgiving When You Can’t Forget

Step 1: Start with a Prayer to Forgive

Lord, give me the strength to forgive,

not to excuse the wrong, but to free my heart.”

heal the wound I cannot forget.

Let forgiveness grow where anger once lived.”

I place this hurt in Your hands.
I release my need for revenge and give justice back to You.
I ask You to lift the weight of bitterness,

so it does not consume me.
Heal the places where grief and anger have taken root.

Teach me, little by little, how to forgive what I cannot forget.
Not to excuse the wrong, but to free my soul.
Let Your peace guard my heart,

and let Your love be stronger than my pain.

Step 2: Accept That Justice Won’t Heal You
Waiting for fairness or payback keeps you bound to the wound. True healing begins when you realize that justice restores balance — but mercy restores you.

Step 3: Remember Without Retaliating
Face what happened honestly. Forgiveness doesn’t erase the past — it releases its power to define your peace.

Step 4: Choose Compassion Over Judgement
Mercy isn’t earned or measured. It’s the radical decision to give what isn’t deserved, because that’s what God gives us.

Step 5: Let God’s Mercy Finish What Justice Can’t
Forgiveness is not about keeping score; it’s about keeping faith. When you let mercy lead, you move from judgment to freedom.