Nature is full of opposites: joy and suffering, victory and defeat, life and death, pleasure and pain and so many others. Naturally, we would prefer only to experience the positive instead of the negative ones but without the two extremes we could not appreciate or understand the necessity of the existence of each.
Could we truly enjoy music if there was no silence? How much we would delight in a meal if we had never been hungry, or our health and well-being if we had never been ill? There must be a balance in life for us to understand the contradictions that are ubiquitous.
When we accept and embrace the inevitability of a temporary delight or sadness then we will not be troubled or broken about the vagaries of life. When we understand the complexity of reality then we will endure the storms with the same attitude as we receive fair weather.
A tree is an excellent metaphor for this tension in nature. For it to thrive it must grow in two different directions. Roots must penetrate the hard surface of the earth to be nurtured by water and soil. Branches and leaves must reach for the sky to absorb the sun’s rays and the oxygen it needs to flourish. These two opposing forces are called gravitropism and phototropism, for they are the essential characteristics of the plant world.
The principle of gravitropism is the tree’s response to gravity, burrowing downward is termed a positive direction for its growth. Positive phototropism is the tree’s reaction to light in accordance with the process of photosynthesis. Without these two entirely different principles and the diametrically opposed directions they take, a tree would not exist.
Where Opposites Meet
In our own lives we experience contrasting forces that impact us in much the same way. We feel pulled and pushed in different directions by dynamics beyond our control, for nature plays a significant role in our growth as well. Not simply in a physical way but just as importantly in our emotional and spiritual growth.
How we respond to the emotional extremes we encounter will inevitably determine how calm and serene we can become if we choose to do so. If we become overly excited about something there is no doubt, we will also experience a disappointment that will fracture that event. The emotional swings can be drastic if we allow them to take control and the roller coaster effect of the ensuing highs and lows will bring us very little peace or sanity.
Here’s a passage that may help us to recognize the contradictions of our lives.
The Book of Ecclesiastes chapter 3 speaks to the paradoxes of life.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.
A time to be born and a time to die,
A time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
A time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
A time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
A time to search and a time to give up,
A time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend,
A time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate,
A time for war and a time for peace.
The apparent message is that life will always be characterized by extremes, a fact that is both undeniable and necessary. For if we knew only one aspect of these opposites, we would never be able to truly understand or appreciate their presence in our lives. The great philosopher and theologian, Thomas Aquinas once wrote, “virtus in media stat,” ‘virtue stands in the middle.’ When we accept these contrasts that fill our time here on this planet, we will be able to maintain an inner peace and patience about events that seek to destroy our balance.
Capi Wonders: How can I handle feeling the highs and lows with equal feeling ?
This appears like an enormous undertaking. How can one welcome pain, suffering, deprivation, loss and even death with the equal fervor of their opposites? The answer is in this difficult truth: we must acknowledge the inevitability of change, a constant that never ceases.
Whatever comes to us as either a positive or negative experience is temporary. Focusing too much on what is an impermanent anguish only deepens the misery. All things in life are fleeting, they do not come to stay, rather they come to pass. If we dwell on the agony and distress, we keep its effects on us very much alive. We must let it go. Envision a bottle floating down a stream of water flowing easily with the current as it relinquishes its desire for control.
Instead focus on your reaction and not the cause of the pain. When you direct your attention to your response, you can process the effects in a better light. This timeless Persian proverb captures this lesson well.
A great king once asked his wisest counselor to create a ring that would give him peace of mind, something to steady his heart in times of both triumph and despair. After many days, the counselor presented a simple gold band engraved with the words: “This too shall pass.”
Whenever the king faced victory, he looked at the ring and was reminded not to become proud. Whenever he faced loss or grief, he looked at it again and found strength in knowing that pain, too, was temporary. In time, he learned to meet both joy and sorrow with the same quiet faith.
We cannot escape emotion, but we can anchor our reactions. Don’t allow joy to sweep you away or sorrow to pull you under. Like our tree that stands firm through every season, because of its provisions of gravitropism and phototropism, you too can remain steady when life isn’t. Joy may make your branches reach for the sky, and sorrow may strip your leaves bare, but both serve a purpose as you grow through it all and find strength from the inside out.
Five Steps to Staying Grounded
Step 1: Begin with this celebrated prayer:
Lord grant me the serenity to accept
the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Step 2: Accept that joy and suffering, success and failure, are inevitable parts of life.
Step 3: Focus on your response to the highs and lows, rather than their cause.
Step 4: Don’t let your emotions take control when you are experiencing joy or suffering in sorrow.
Step 5: Remind yourself that all experiences, positive or negative, are temporary.
Your journey doesn't end here. Continue your path to purpose at www.LFAPurpose.com