It’s one of life’s harsher truths, difficult to accept at first, and even harder to live by consistently. But the wisdom of this runs deep. Think of it the way the great existentialist philosopher Søren Kierkegaard captured it, “There is only one sin ultimately, and that is the steadfast refusal to be true to one’s own self.”

For those of us who have unknowingly traveled the road of self-betrayal, we know it’s not a happy place. In my last blog, I explored the role fear plays in undermining our quest for authenticity and how it impedes this lifelong pursuit. These self-made barriers can take many forms: fear of failure, fear of success, fear of intimacy, or even fear of loneliness. 

What encumbers us from being who we truly are can only be discovered through a courageous examination of our fears. As I always say, our fears tell us more about ourselves than we care to admit. The first step is to turn inward and conduct an honest, open self-appraisal.

You Are Not Your Flaws

Let’s begin with taking a sincere inventory of our character, flaws and all. It may feel daunting at first, but this is where the journey of self-discovery begins. As a bonus, you will awaken to the beauty of your own unique gifts, skills, and talents that are precious assets waiting to be recognized and expressed.

It is important to be aware of the negative traits you think define you. This will only block sincere introspection. What you need is an honest and trustworthy account of your true character. By doing this you are choosing to be liked for who you truly are, which is far more valuable than being “loved” for who others mistakenly believe you to be.

When we compromise our values and principles, we erode our own self-worth. In chasing approval and acceptance, we surrender the inner peace this world can never give us. But when we stand firm in our convictions for the right reasons, we build integrity and reveal the strength of our character.

This calls to mind my reflections in a previous blog about being mindful of the influence of social media. Don’t be blinded by personal role models or those whose lives you wish to emulate. It’s natural to admire and even strive to reflect the highest virtues and purposes we see in others. But in doing so, don’t let imitation slip into impersonation. Draw inspiration from the best in others while remaining anchored in your own identity.

The truth is, the people who know and love us most are like mirrors, reflecting back to us what they see without judgement. Think back to that unforgettable moment when someone you deeply care for confessed their love for you. In that instant, your world shifted. When others truly see and value us, they mirror back the self-worth we may have struggled to recognize in ourselves. Despite our flaws and shortcomings, they love us as we are.

Carving Brilliance Out of Imperfection

It is crucial to always remember that your imperfections do not define your worth. In fact, they can be features that shape your beauty and strength.

Nearly four hundred years ago in the city of Florence, Italy, a block of purest marble lay behind the city’s cathedral gathering dust and suffering from exposure to the elements. Originally, this magnificent block of marble was quarried at great expense, but the stone had been damaged during the process, resulting in a huge gouge in the middle of the column.

One sculptor, Duccio, thought he could carve something from the defective block but sadly only made the damage worse. Finally, he gave up and his failure became known as the Duccio column, a flawed symbol of frustration.

A generation of artists would come and go, each one attempting a design that would overcome the horrible flaw. The Board of Works for the city of Florence found few proposals that merited approval. For a brief time, some believed the great Leonardo da Vinci would undertake the effort but, even he could not devise a design that would utilize the whole column. During a public session, Da Vinci declared to the Board that sculpting marble was the work of common laborers and not for the work of real artists.

Da Vinci’s words did not sit well with one spectator. He was a mere twenty-five-year-old who had been dreaming of carving the Duccio stone since he was a teenage apprentice in his native Florence. Returning from Rome many years later, he was relieved to see the block of marble still resting on its side behind the church. Motivated by Da Vinci’s scorn, he made a model of his vision for this piece of marble, one he had been pondering for years.

For months, he tried to persuade the Board of Works to grant him the commission to sculpt the marble. He very much wanted to give the citizens of Florence a statue they would be proud to call their own. It took the artist another three years to release the figure imprisoned in the column. Who was this artist? His name was Michelangelo Buonarroti and the masterpiece he carved, is none other than “The David.” Michelangelo could see the dramatic tension of a swiveling figure of twenty-five degrees within the damaged column. Today it is known as the “contrapposto pose.”

Michelangelo described sculpture as, “releasing figures imprisoned in stone.” In the same way, self-discovery is the art of chiseling away what is false until the truth of who we are is revealed. When we accept the dreaded perception of others, we cripple our ability to be honest and sincere with ourselves.

The word for “sincere” comes from two Latin words, “sine” (without) and “cero” (wax). Which essentially means ‘without wax.’ Perfect pieces of marble, those lacking cracks and crevices were described as, “sine cero.” The defect and blemishes of the imperfect marble would be filled in with wax to hide the flaw. The sincere person is not an individual without imperfections, but rather one without the means and the desire to hide them.

Without the apparently damaged and defective column of marble, Michelangelo would never have sculpted such brilliance. He was able to fashion excellence from deficiency. He took what life gave him and created a masterpiece. We can do no less for ourselves.

Our view of life transforms the moment we change the way we see ourselves. There is nothing more liberating, more healing, than genuine self-love, for it becomes the measure by which we love God and our neighbor as ourselves.

Five Steps to the True You

Step 1: Open with Prayer

 Lord, open my eyes to see myself as You see me
precious, worthy, and wonderfully made.
Heal the wounds of doubt and the shadows of shame
that keep me from embracing the truth of who I am.

Teach me to love myself with the same grace and mercy
You pour into my soul each day.
Let this love overflow,
so that I may love You with a pure heart
and love my neighbor with kindness and compassion.

May the way I see myself
reflect the light of Your truth,
transforming how I see the world.

Amen.

 Step 2: Take an honest inventory of your character. Recognize your flaws and imperfections, then use them as tools to reshape the way you see yourself.

Step 3: Draw inspiration, not imitation. Admire your role models but never lose your own identity in trying to copy them.

Step 4: Choose authentic love. Seek to be loved for your true self, not for the image of who you want others to believe you are.

Step 5: Be sine cero (without wax). Don’t conceal your defects; let God transform every crack and imperfection into part of the beautiful masterpiece He created you to be.

Explore More:

Self-Love

Healing Wounded Emotions: Martin H. Padovani,

Touching the Holy: Ordinariness, Self-esteem and Friendship: Robert J. Wicks

Praying Naked: Anthony De Melo: Society of Jesus