What We Lose When We Play the Blame Game
You may have heard the iconic phrase, “The devil made me do it.” It was popularized in the early 1970s in the United States by comedian Flip Wilson, whose television variety show featured him portraying a range of humorous characters. One of the most memorable was Geraldine, a bold and outspoken persona whose catchphrase quickly became part of popular culture.
What began as a punchline became a cultural excuse, a reminder of how quickly we trade accountability for comfort when our pride is on the line. Instead of shouldering accountability for what we say or do, we blame other individuals, circumstances or situations for unacceptable or improper behavior. A constant refusal to accept responsibility is a formula for lifelong immaturity and a life that never fully embraces adulthood.
Blaming others for our mistakes happens more often than we care to admit. “Sorry I’m late, the traffic was terrible, or my alarm never went off,” “the dog ate my homework,” “he or she always makes me angry.” In psychology this type of behavior is called ‘deflection’ wherein we hold others responsible for what we feel, think or do. This only shifts the blame when ultimately, the responsibility rests with us.
A person who is unwilling to accept to acknowledge their errors and weaknesses has a poor self-image and lacks self-esteem. You’ve heard the accusation from some men that if women didn’t wear such provocative clothing, they would not be subject to unacceptable comments or worse, assault? Deflecting something which is either illegal, immoral or both is a common tactic that portrays a lack of emotional maturity.
Throughout the existence of humanity there have always been examples of the transfer of blame. Somehow it has infected behavior beginning with the story of Adam and Eve. After the Creator confronts Adam by questioning whether he had eaten the fruit from the forbidden tree of knowledge, the man was quick to blame his wife, saying she gave me the apple. Then, when God asked her, she blamed the serpent, for she contended that he tricked her into the apple’s power.
We can learn many important insights from this simple story. We all have the inclination to abandon personal responsibility; transferring blame is in our nature.
Paralyzed by the Blame Game
Another classic example of the “blame-game” involves the miracle that Jesus performed at the Pool of Bethesda. It is the story told in the Gospel of John (5:1–15) of a paralyzed man lying beside the “sheep pool,” as it is referred to because of its proximity to the Sheep Gate in the northern part of Jerusalem. (The name Bethesda may also be interpreted as “double gusher,” a reference to the underground springs that fed the pool’s twin basins and caused the water to bubble). According to tradition, from time to time an angel would descend and stir the waters. The first to enter the pool would then be healed of any affliction or disease making it a very heavily concentrated area for the sick and infirmed.
Jesus arrives at the scene and seeing the crippled man asks him if he wants to be healed, a seemingly needless inquiry since the man had been waiting for 38 years to be made whole. But as he noted, because of his condition he could never be the first to go into its curative waters. Ironically, he never directly answers Jesus’s question, he only responds by saying his condition had prohibited him from entering the pool before anyone else. Jesus said, “Pick up your mat and walk,” which he does and consequently he is healed of his paralysis.
Let’s reflect on this. The cause of the man’s immobility is not mentioned. Many believed in Jesus’s time that such a disorder was due to the sin of one’s parents, passed from one generation to the next. His position beside the pool must have been well-known by everyone since he had been suffering for almost 40 years. No one seemed intent on helping him nor did he have a family member or friend assist him. Instead, he faulted his condition for his plight. Indirectly he was implying others did nothing for him, or they were more interested in their own cure rather than his. He resigned himself to his situation.
Jesus not only changed the man’s condition He did something more, He made the crippled man responsible. When the question of healing was addressed, the man had to accept the consequences of the miracle. Henceforth he could no longer blame his difficulties on circumstances that he permitted to keep him there.
Until the man accepted the decision to be cured, he could have easily succumbed to a life that offered no remedy. He would have stayed there, maybe for the rest of his life, being a beggar, enabling his paralysis to create a dependency upon the charity of others. Once Jesus healed him, everything was changed. He could walk and assumed more responsibility for his own welfare.
Unfortunately, we all know people who resist a better outcome for themselves, preferring to hold others accountable for their own condition. Complaining about being ignored, unappreciated, the unfairness of the world and others being promoted before us will contribute to an outlook that sentences us to hopelessness. No one really wants to live like that but sadly, many resign themselves to such a fate when they fail to cease playing the “blame game” and victimhood becomes for them a lifetime of complaints, blame, resentment and bitterness.
There is an old Chinese proverb that says, “he who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one, has arrived.”
5 Steps to Quitting the Blame Game
Step 1: Start with Prayer
Lord,
When I am tempted to blame others,
help me pause and look within.
Give me the humility to own my mistakes
and the courage to grow from them.
Free me from pride and defensiveness,
and shape in me a spirit of honesty and maturity.
Teach me to choose responsibility over excuses
and truth over comfort.
Amen.
Step 2: Separate Responsibility from Shame:
Owning your mistake does not mean condemning yourself.
Step 3: Identify What You Were Protecting:
Blame is often a shield for pride, fear of failure, or insecurity.
Step 4: Tell the Truth Clearly and Simply:
Replace explanations and justifications with ownership. Even 10% ownership is a starting place.
Step 5: Take Corrective Action:
Responsibility isn’t complete until behavior changes. Make amends if needed, adjust your approach, create a plan to avoid repetition.